Is Being a Good Mom = Bad Thing?

James 3:14-16 (ESV)

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the “wisdom” that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

‘Good’ Ambition

Cheerful, well-adjusted kid. Check. Excelling in one sport or two. Check. Dancing and singing with performance quality. Check. Mastering a musical instrument or two. Check. Bible stories and verses to instill moral values. Check. Impeccable manners. Check. Strong academic and analytical skills. Check. Proficient in foreign languages. Check.

This is just a snippet from my unspoken mental list. The qualities my children should have with the guidance of their dedicated and intentional mother (a.k.a. the almighty me). Whatever it is called (tiger mom, helicopter mom) you will instinctively know, if it is describing you.

Your aspirations, the desires in your heart, what fills your sense of pride, what you consider the conclusive seal of a successful mom and what you would pat yourself at the back for are usually more or less similar with the world’s accolades.

Idol in Disguise

For the longest time, I didn’t consider this drive as bad. It was so natural and I would do whatever it takes. I viewed my children as the projects of my lifetime since their birthday. My identity and accomplishments were strongly tied to theirs.

These two friends, anxiety and fatigue have faithfully accompanied me in my motherhood journey. I was anxious to see how my children could cover every item in the checklist and felt fatigue in the pursuit. So much such that I couldn’t enjoy my children properly, I was blind to God’s heart, His timeline and plan for them, ignorantly assuming that all ‘good’ things would certainly fit His agenda.

The discovery happened gradually. It felt as if the Holy Spirit was peeling the scales off my eyes one by one. I started to have a sense that things were not right. Then the opening in my eyes became big enough for me to peek the inside of my heart. It unexpectedly horrified me, the sheer ugliness of pride and selfishness. The old enemy, Pride, comes in different forms. It can even appear in the form of a Mom who fiercely devotes her life to her children.

It was horrid and devastating. I had created a new meaning of life apart from Him, all this had become an idol. This innate desire is so beguiling, but when the drive is not God to begin with and not God to end with, then we have successfully strayed from the motherhood path God set for us.

Tiger Mom Dismantled

The Holy Spirit gave another revelation. I am a mere steward. They are truly His children. Once the truth slowly sinks in, the grip of lies on me are slowly relaxed. How our hearts can be deceitful. Sin can creep in the most unexpected places even in the crevices of so much love and good intentions.

Now instead of anxiously wallowing in the tides of accomplishments and failures, I can be a steady guide that navigates them with His light. Instead of feeling glorified in the selfish game of comparison, I can feel grateful that God would work with me in raising His children.

*There is another related post about Embracing Motherhood.