Romans 8:20: The creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
The ‘Old’ Way of Life
For the longest time, I equated being an anxious person to being responsible. If you’re a responsible person, you make your plans carefully beforehand, and you anticipate all the things that might possibly go wrong, then you stand on your guard to ensure everything runs carefully according to plan. Thus, one must naturally feel anxious throughout the entire process in case unexpected things happen. As you can imagine, to be a responsible person in my dictionary is quite exhausting.
After I became a mother, the responsibilities and the anxieties, of course, increased multiple-fold because I have other living human beings under my care with an exponentially growing number of variables to take into account. Not to mention the free will of (thus) human beings that might or might not go along with my plans.
Whenever friends saw me, they would sense tiredness and exasperation in my aura. Yet, some part of me carries that weary aura like a badge of honor, honor to the role of motherhood and what being a productive and responsible adult encapsulated. It was a bit perverse.
My husband did not operate like me, so I felt all the more responsible to compensate for his lack of anxieties by adding more (his supposed) anxieties to my piles. I figured it was necessary to keep our family afloat amidst all the uncertainties of our lives. These anxieties continued weighing me down, but I continued faithfully carrying the burden. Perseverance is the word.
The clouds of fear and anxiety always followed me around, in rain or shine, disabling and crippling me to live life to the fullest. I could never live in the summer because the storms were always looming in the corner, at least in this world of mine.
I was hurried and harried, and no doubt, the negative energy emanated out of me and infected the atmosphere of my household. Something felt wrong, but I could not pinpoint exactly what. I had always managed my world quite well, and this was the only way I knew how. I thought I was being a responsible and reliable adult, and this was just the price to pay.
I do, of course, experienced moments of peace, although the peace only came briefly now and then like short life pauses between one event to the next, one plan to the next. There was no lingering presence of peace; the peace was not lasting. I tried to normalize my condition and assure myself that this was just part and parcel of a mom’s job.
The Duality of Christian Worldview and Functional Worldview
As a veteran follower of Christ, I had heard many messages about peace from the Bible, the sermons, and the Christian trade books. I even collected and wrote down all Bible verses I could find about human worries, anxieties and God’s promises and assurances. I tried to memorize these verses with my daughters and hoped to rinse and wash away any impurities in my mind with these verses, so I could change and have more peace.
I took God’s assurances and promises of peace to the heart. They definitely did not fall on deaf ears, but they only worked as a temporary balm. Somehow they couldn’t take root and transform me thoroughly and permanently.
I questioned this conflicting duality between what I know and what I experience. I naturally became frustrated with the hypocrisy of my duality: the Christian worldview (what I believe to be true in my mind) and my functional worldview (the way I truly operate in life). If we cannot find joy and peace of life in Jesus, we will surely continue to look for them in other places.
I wondered about many other sincere believers who were also experiencing defeated realities in their lives. They might also wonder about the disparity. The Bible seems to offer abundant joy and peace while they are still struggling with the barrenness of their lives and the weariness in their souls.
These sincere believers truly loved Jesus and wanted to follow Him, but they might also wonder as I did if there was a hidden path that was passed, a turn that was missed or some secret knowledge or rituals that were overlooked. I looked upon all the past and present heroes of the faith with slight envy, wondering what they had that I did not.
I know God could not be wrong, so I could only blame myself: if only I could have more faith, if only I could trust more, if only I would be more serious with God. Something was wrong with me. I felt powerless, and I realized I could not make myself have more faith and more trust in God by my sheer willpower.
In this article, I tried to dissect what happened internally in my heart and in the spiritual realm that had been blocking me from changing even though I really wanted to. It’s an interesting discovery, but no less a divine revelation and a miraculous experience. I share how my deadlock was finally unraveled, and the transformation could begin.
Note:
Three factors influence our decisions and actions. They are our functional worldviews, our sinful flesh and demonic influence.
In this article, I will discuss the functional worldview factor and the demonic influence factor, particularly the spirit of fear.
I don’t mean to undermine the influence of the sinful flesh factor in our actions and decisions. In fact, I admit there have been heavy struggles with the sins of selfishness, greed, lust and all their descendants. But for the sake of simplification, I won’t discuss in detail the sinful flesh factor.
Functional Worldview
Worldview is ways of thinking and sets of beliefs about the world. A subscribed worldview is the worldview that we think we believe. A functional worldview is a worldview that we have internalized beyond our cognitive consciousness. Our functional worldview is how we instinctively interpret everything and how we actually live and feel.
The word ‘Worldview’ sounds like it is a cognitive and emotionless thing. But in effect, if the worldviews have already become functional, they are inextricably linked to our strong base emotions and become the building blocks of our personality.
Contrary to popular belief, what drives our decisions and actions are not our rationales, but our emotions. Reasons are only used later to justify our choices and actions.
Our functional worldview shapes our emotional makeup that effectively determines our decisions and actions.
When we search for facts and data, we are reading them with a bias to justify the emotions we already felt inside. Even for some of us who have the most critical and strongest faculties, we cannot ever be truly “objective” on anything.
What we know and believe are our subscribed worldviews, but not necessarily our functional worldviews. These subscribed worldviews become our functional worldviews only if they govern our feelings, decisions and actions.
One strong indicator to authenticate if a worldview has become our functional worldview is to look at our emotional state. If we feel happy, secure and affirmed when things happen according to a particular worldview, then that worldview is fully functional. On the other hand, if what we do and feel does not align with what we believe to be our worldview, then that worldview hasn’t become functional. It’s still in the cognitive or aspirational stage.
A Functional Worldview Answers Three Basic Needs
Three basic human needs that require fulfillment: security, significance and acceptance. If a worldview cannot meet these three basic human needs, it is never sufficient to become our functional worldview.
These three basic needs govern our desires, and our desires govern our emotions, and our emotions govern our behaviors.
We desire some things because our internal wirings have somehow made the connections that those things are essential to fulfill our security, significance, or acceptance needs one way or another. If that is what we believe and perceive to be true, then our beliefs translate to strong emotional urges to acquire those things at whatever cost. Again, it’s a matter of survival.
We are emotional beings and always strive to maintain some emotional comfort equilibrium. We will behave and do everything we can to make any emotional discomfort go away, albeit temporarily, or replace one type of emotional comfort with another type but to a lesser degree.
Many idols or false gods we serve come from those three basic needs. So even though I was already very much aware of the presence of idols in my life, I could not just shun those idols away because I still didn’t know any other way to fulfill those gaping holes of emotional needs.
God placed those needs in me when He created me because those needs are meant to be met in Him only. So I need to learn and find ways to address those needs in God only. But, to be honest, it’s not that intuitive and natural, partly because God is spiritual, and I am so earthly and fleshly.
First and foremost, I learned that to get those needs fulfilled in God was by placing my full trust in Him, not superficially but deeply. I need to truly believe what He says about me to secure my identity in Him. I need to see, feel and believe that all my needs will be met under the reality that I am God’s beloved child.
I reflect on the consequences and implications of being a child of God. Our family plays an essential part in determining our place and destiny in the world. Even in the old traditions, when people introduced themselves, they always stated their father’s name as part of their identity.
I renewed my mind with God’s truth, but unfortunately, it’s not enough for transformations to happen thoroughly and permanently. My cognitive part already got it, but the emotional part still couldn’t and wouldn’t follow because my emotional part still very much associated fulfillments with the idols (people, food, achievement, material security, etc.).
How do I undo the faulty wiring inside me and rewire everything properly again? How can the Christian worldview we believe in our cognitive part be internalized and dwell deep within us so it can become our functional worldview and part of our emotional makeup?
Deconstructing the ‘Old’ and Constructing the ‘New’
Much of our Christian sanctification journey is about deconstructing old functional worldviews and constructing new ones that align with Christian worldviews in our hearts and minds.
2 Corinthians 10:5: We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
The Bible asks us to take captive every thought, and if the thoughts are hostile against the knowledge of God, we should change those thoughts to align with Christ.
Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.
We renew our minds by slowly filtering, taking captive and throwing away all sets of beliefs that are effectively against the Christian worldview. This is the deconstructing of a functional worldview.
Our functional worldview continues to be internally transformed by the renewing of our mind until it can obey and follow God’s wills and ways with integrity. This is constructing a functional worldview to align with the true Christian worldview.
I think I was quite successful in constructing the Christian worldview at the cognitive level. Still, transformation needs to happen at the emotional level to become a fully functional working worldview. To do that, I would need God’s supernatural help.
Note:
To separate the changes that happen at the cognitive and the emotional level will be a very daunting and complicated task that I can’t even begin to comprehend and articulate. The changes in both levels are so intertwined and part of the human makeup.
In this article, I simplistically separate the two and focus on the transformation that happens at the emotional level.
How Change Finally Happened At Emotional Level
Our God is powerful and creative. His ways are beyond our ways and anything we could ever imagine. The way He used to change me was just one of the many ways at His disposal to change you and others. Nevertheless, let me share with you what happened to me.
The Knowledge from God’s Word
Psalm 139:24: See if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
In Psalm 139:24, the Hebrew word used for wicked is oseb, which means idols, pain and sorrow. Idolatry is synonymous with pain and sorrow. So, what are my idols?
I would identify my idols are security and control. I had suffered a lot on the altar of security and control. I had exerted limitless energy, brainpower and resources to satisfy my idols. I had hoped all my sacrificial acts could grant me peace, but instead of peace, the idols would always demand more of my performances and more of my sacrifices.
I needed God to guide me in the way everlasting, which is the path of life. I longed for an abundant life promised in the Bible, freedom from self-inflicted fear, pain and sorrow, and to dwell in God’s everlasting peace.
John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Jesus offers His peace to us, but our hands have to be ready to accept it. We are to lose our grips on our idols and surrender our life in God’s hands.
Cognitively, I was able to identify my idols and understand that my ways of life had not been right. I knew there was a better way out there. Yet emotionally, I kept coming back to my old ways of being, coping, thinking, feeling and doing.
All my actions and decisions still followed my emotional stand (what I feel I need to do), not my cognitive stand (what I know I need to do).
Even though I had already identified some of my demons and I understood what must take place for changes to happen, I could not change in a significant way and permanently.
Most people, including me, do not have the strength, wisdom, courage, trust and love of God big enough to remove our idols on our own. So in His good grace, God intervened and took my matter into His own hands.
The Visions from God’s Spirit
The Holy Spirit counseled me through visions. At that time, I kind of already gave up on any meaningful changes in this area. I was beginning to accept that this was just my ‘thorn in the flesh,’ anxieties and bursts of panic would always be my faithful life companions.
I could have a peek of what a peaceful life rooted in God looks like in some of my friends’ lives, but I thought this was more for other people and that I would only get to experience permanent peace when I am in heaven someday. Or so I thought until God showed up and healed the root of the problem.
I am not the type who gets divine instructions or revelations through visions. The way God usually talks to me is through His word. What the Holy Spirit did this time was give me visions and the interpretations of those visions simultaneously. The visions God gave me were so powerful that I felt they shook me to the core.
I believed these visions came from God because the visions were something I had never imagined before and not any recollections of. Another reason was because these visions were so powerful and had a profound impact on me.
At that time, I was in the middle of a daily meditation practice recommended by a friend. It’s not an extended meditation, only two minutes twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. During those two-minute periods, I tried to focus my thoughts on God and what He wanted to say to me.
During these meditation practices, the visions were suddenly conjured up in my mind. Almost immediately, I understood what those visions meant. I believe those visions were divine interventions from the Great Physician to heal my soul.
When the Seeds were Sown
One time during a meditation practice, without any previous trigger or thought in my mind, I suddenly saw my 8-year old self sitting on the bed with my mother. I suddenly remembered and knew what the conversations were all about. It was not per se one particular conversation, but that scene encapsulated many conversations and life wisdom that my mother had imparted on me.
In this vision, I knew she was telling me stories of financially ruined families because the father or the mother was not careful and responsible. They were foolish, made the wrong bets in life, or didn’t plan well. So the parents’ horrible and non-sensical decision-making ruined both the family’s financial and, consequently, their children’s future.
I saw the vision like I was a spectator in the room. Even though I consciously didn’t have any recollection of it, I vividly knew what was going on in my little eight-year-old head. I knew that I was very much afraid of my own future getting ruined because I didn’t have any control over it. I knew that I had made a secret unannounced vow to myself that I would not grow up to be like those adults that my mother talked about. I promised myself I would always think through everything and make my plans well.
Even though I never remembered my thoughts back then, I knew exactly what was going through in my little head when I saw the vision. It was as if God’s Spirit revealed the thoughts to me. Without realizing it, these childhood moments had been fundamental in shaping the adult I have become.
That mental image made me cry as I realized how the core trait of my personality was started. It was started from fear.
As a little girl, I did not yet have any filter to properly process the negative information my mom shared. That childhood moment had apparently been an intensely frightening emotional experience and impressed upon me deeply at the tender age of eight.
I can see now how the wiring of fears started in my little brain and how, through the years, my fearful and anxious living had been reinforced over and over again because of my preconceived notions about life.
The Holy Spirit showed me when the seeds of insecurity were sown in my childhood and how the seeds had grown into a big tree of fear with long, entangled roots and produced many bitter fruits in my life. I didn’t know how to begin to untangle this unhealthy pattern in my life and be whole again.
Fears and anxieties had regulated the tempo of my daily life for as long as I could remember. I had been faithful dancing to its tunes and staying alert to its rhythms. This destructive pattern was so deeply embedded that I could not imagine how to ever function differently.
The foundation of lies was well ingrained, and the bonds of fear were strong within me. Fear and anxieties were part of my innate psychological makeup. They were deep-seated and well-established.
Unraveling and Uprooting the Emotional Roots
Since childhood, I had started to emotionally associate my sense of well-being to the control and security idols. I had come to wholeheartedly believe that those idols are the keys to my well-being (not God) throughout the years.
The Holy Spirit revealed my inner motivations, reasonings and justifications to choose the path of fears and anxieties for most of my life since my childhood years.
Fears and anxieties had been a reliable guide I could trust to warn me, keep me on guard and protect me from harm or any miscalculated steps. Fear and anxieties were my paths towards security and control.
I understood all my internal wirings were set up from the fears of an eight-year-old girl who didn’t know any better how to process all the concerns of life she felt. The idols were her way to cope with the overwhelming uncertainties of life, and I had carried this little girl’s ways into adulthood.
I could see with clarity how the threads of lies and deceptions had weaved their ways into my heart slowly and steadily throughout my growing years. The pattern of lies and deceptions had driven me to feel and think in certain ways.
I started to see that using fears and anxieties to guide my daily life didn’t make sense. The foolishness and the irrationalities of it all became blatantly clear.
To me, knowing where the old lies and mindsets had come from was enough to bring down the foundations of the old lies. The foundation of my old inner self crumbled as it couldn’t stand the weight of truth anymore.
Once I understood all the connections, the power of my old emotional drives dissipated almost immediately. The idols are steadily losing their credibility and appeals. I am then free to rebuild a new foundation with pillars of truth that enable me to trust God wholly and completely with my needs.
The Ways of the Spirit
The Holy Spirit sometimes would bring back particular moments vividly from our childhood or youth years, either an incident, trauma or certain teaching that have impressed upon us deeply and shaped the way we think and feel beyond our consciousness.
Then the Holy Spirit would shine the light of truth on those memories, strip down the lies, show the naked ugly truth and help us reinterpret those experiences again, but this time from the lens of God’s truth.
It is useless to ask somebody to change if we haven’t dealt with the root issues of idolatry. If people don’t know how to get their three basic needs (security, significance, acceptance) fulfilled by God, then all our preaching will sound so vague and mysterious. If the truth hasn’t touched the emotional roots, it can only change the understanding of the mind, but not the inner motivational and emotional drives.
Often, we might feel defeated and helpless because the emotional responses we feel are conflicting with what we know to be true. We are indeed helpless because we are still under the bondage of idols. The shackles that bind us will keep us from moving forward.
Sometimes, we might seem to make some progress in our behaviors, but then before we knew it, we slid back to the old ways, the old ways to cope and operate, relying on the old idols again. It feels like going one step forward, two steps backward.
The Holy Spirit can work in infinitely different ways, but in my case, the Holy Spirit used visions and interpretations. I can finally see my conditions through spiritual eyes. The depth of the darkness and the extent of the lies and the foolishness has finally hit home for me.
Romans 1:25: They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator – who is forever praised.
Face to face with the truth, my old inner self crumbled, and I can reconstruct the new self with the right foundations. The transformation can finally begin.
What Happens in the Spiritual Realm
There is ongoing spiritual warfare around us. Satan, our enemy, would love to keep us captive as prisoners and casualties of war so that we won’t be effective and productive for God’s Kingdom work. The enemy keeps us obsessed and focused with whatever idols we set our hearts on.
I was looking for security and control. The only way I could actually have that was by trusting and surrendering my future to the good and sovereign God and continuing to be grateful for everything. But Satan continued to give me the illusion that whatever my heart desired was within my reach if only I strived harder and worked endlessly.
God revealed two more visions to give the complete picture of my true conditions.
The first one gave me an eerie surprise. First, there was pitch black darkness, then I saw a disheveled woman on all fours, looking a bit crazy, erratic and cowering in fear. She was struggling to break free and rise up, but she couldn’t. There was a shackle on her neck, and now and then, someone would pull the chain to control and drag her. After some time, I was horrified to realize that the woman was me, and I had been struggling to rise up. I was supposed to have the dignity of a God’s image-bearer, but Satan, holding the chain in his hands, kept me down on all fours like a beast.
The second vision came at a different time. A figure (I presumed it was Satan) had been having fun playing with a string puppet. He was very skillful and just knew which strings to pull to manipulate and move the puppet in certain ways. I instantly knew I was the puppet. Satan knew how to trigger me internally, so I would always be in constant angst and fear, forget about God and everything I believe. I realized he had been having so much fun with me for decades, gleefully playing and watching me being unhinged and frantic day in day out.
John 10:10: The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
I couldn’t hold back my emotions when I realized the extent of the depravity of my conditions: how far I was from the life God had planned for me, how I had built my entire life based on false foundations and how I had offended the good God with my sinful living.
The connections between the past incidents, my coping responses, the idols I fashioned for myself, my “common sense” thinking, my foundational values, and my life purpose were all becoming very clear. Everything crumbled instantly when it dawned on me that they were all based and built on lies.
1 Corinthians 10:4: The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
I also learned that evil spirits specialize in different afflictions of the soul. There are the spirit of addiction, the spirit of lust, the spirit of isolation or loneliness, the spirit of acquiring or greed, the spirit of idleness and many others. For myself, the enemy had acutely selected the spirit of fear as my personal tormentor.
When we serve false idols, our perspectives will be disproportionate, skewed and distorted. What seems big is actually small; what seems important is actually inconsequential; what seems pleasurable is actually hurting and hollow. When we can’t see the truth clearly, we easily become the enemy’s playthings.
The darkness of deception reigned until the light of truth descended. These visions from God finally broke the bondages, the shackles and chains that had been holding me back for years. The bondages had disrupted my spiritual growth and did not allow me to live fully. The light of truth has finally set me free, and I can start to truly live.
Support from Faith Community
The faith community, fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, has sustained me throughout my ongoing struggles. Their regular presence encourages me that there is always hope in Christ and reminds me faithfully to sync up with the truth through God’s words and their life testimonies.
The examples from their lives also give vivid illustrations of what life could have been, a better version of lives rooted in Christ. It’s very strengthening, especially when temptations to rely on lies are high. They pray for me and carry me with their faith when my own faith is at a low.
Their acceptance of me and my conditions also represents God’s acceptance of me despite my brokenness. This lifts me up so I would not be tempted to go deeper in the route of self-condemnation. This sense of acceptance also gives room and freedom for real change to take place, not superficially.
It is a huge blessing to have this kind of faith community in our lives. God creates us to be in a community, and He will give us the capacity to learn, invest, trust, and build the kind of community and fellowship our triune God has also enjoyed with one another.
Some of us still wait for that kind of community to come into our lives. But, while we wait, we can start by being the kind of community we’d love to have to a person God has put in our path that needs our help and support.
The ‘New’ Way of Life
Ephesians 3:16-19: I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
This time, something fundamental within me has changed. It wasn’t gradual or slow progress, but there was a sense of a definite cut-off; put off the old ways of life and put on the new ways of life. Once we are healed and cut off from our idols, it is easier to function the way we are supposed to.
Some changes can happen mainly using our willpower and accountability help from our community. But for the innate part of our makeup, the things that had made a profound impact or trauma in our lives, I believe we would need supernatural help because the Holy Spirit can go deeper beyond our consciousness. We need God’s deliverance, power and wisdom for a deep makeover, for sicknesses that go deep to the core of our soul.
The way I function is very different now. Some of my friends commented that I seem to be more at peace. I still make plans because I enjoy making plans. But if my plans don’t work out or something seems wrong or inconvenient happens, little bursts of panic and anxieties may start to arise sometimes, but then I can quickly calm myself, reminding myself again that the good God is in charge.
If things should happen that are out of my original plans, I can now genuinely believe from my heart that it’s really for the best. Whether I will be able to understand God’s reasons now in my lifetime or heaven later, it does not matter. I can quickly return to a calm and peaceful state, ready to accept whatever comes may. Now the peace stays, it can linger for a long time.
Psalm 18:30: As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.
I found this quote about faith: faith is the ability to apply quickly what we believe so as to repel everything the devil does or attempts to do to us. Faith is an effective shield to extinguish attacks from the enemy (Ephesians 6:16). If our faith grows, our shield against the enemy’s attacks becomes stronger, and we will have a more peaceful life.
Spiritual Vitality RESTORED
Even until now, I am still amazed that I can experience all this. Whereas before, I used to mull over my anxieties for hours and days, thinking over possible scenarios and outcomes, filled with regrets. Now my mind can be at peace for a long period, or if something unexpected happens, I can quickly return to a peaceful state.
Unlocking this “anxiety deadlock” in my soul helps unlock many other aspects of my life I didn’t realize were stuck before. For example, I notice the difference when reading the Bible now. The words on the pages become more alive, more real, and I can comprehend the meanings at a deeper level.
I have become much more aware of my own limitations, ignorance and sins; thus, I can appreciate God’s wisdom more. I also notice more of God’s faithful little involvement and providences in my daily life. I am amazed how I could ever be so blind to many things before. This new awareness, sensitivity and insights give more assurances of my future and destiny.
The reality of God becomes more real to me in daily moments.
Ephesians 1:17-18: I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people.
At the end of the day, our most precious commodity is trust. What or who do we place our trust in? Trusting God is the lifeblood of our spiritual life. Trusting God in all areas of life is the essence of our new way of life. Without well-grounded trust in God, distress and death are waiting on the other side.
In this current age, trust is often equated with vulnerability, naivete or even stupidity, while being skeptical is considered intelligent, shrewd and self-protective. Yet when we anchor our trust in the true sovereign God, not in ourselves, we are being wise and not stupid.
What kind of person we become depends on what or whom we trust. If we trust God, we will also trust what He says about us. We don’t have to strive to make a respectable identity for ourselves. Instead, we merely accept what is said of us: we are God’s child.
Romans 8:15: For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”
It’s the best and most secured identity; nothing else comes close. This identity guarantees our security and destiny for eternity. With this identity comes our sets of privileges that will meet our needs for security, significance and acceptance completely and wholly. So then we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
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